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A NEW BEGiNNiNG!

WELL i MOVED TO BARSTOW. i HAD TO GET AWAY FROM ALL THOSE MEMORiES OF RAFAEL. iTS ACTUALLY HELPiNG. iT ONLY HURTS WHEN i GO BACK TO MORENO VALLEY TO ViSiT WiLL MY MOM .&. SOME FRiENDS iVE RECENTLY GOTTEN BACK iNTOUCH WiTH. WHEN iM HERE, iM iN A WHOLE COMPLETELY CiTY. i DRiVE DOWN RT 66 .&. i DNT THiNK OF HiM. i DNT MiSS HiM. i DNT NOTHiNG HiM. i HAVE TO ADMiT THOUGH, THERE R THOSE SMALL MOMENTS WHEN i THOUGHT OF HiM .&. i WiSHED i WAS STiLL iN MOVAL SO i CAN STOP BY ON ACCiDENT .&. iD START CRYiNG CUz THATS NO LONGER MY PLACE. BUT AFTER A WHiLE THiNKiNG OF HiM HURT LESS .&. AT THiS MOMENT THiNKiNG OF HiM DOESNT HURT. iTS MORE LiKE i SMiLE CUz i THiNK OF OUR GOOD TiMES .&. WE WERE HAPPY! BUT THATS JUST iT, WE WERE HAPPY! TO MYSELF, i JUST THANK HiM FOR BEiNG iN MY LiFE WHEN HE DiD, CUz THE EXPERiENCE i OBTAiNED BEiNG WiTH HiM, MADE ME THE WOMAN i AM TODAY. SO YEAH, i THANK HiM .&. i WiSH HiM THE BEST .&. i WiSH HiS THE FAMiLY ALL THE HAPPiNESS iN THE WORLD!

OUR SONG! [NUESTRA CANCiON]

Have you ever loved someone so much? That even though you know you got to go You just dont know how to let go? Thats how I feel about him...

Come On Come On Come On Hey... Its your Juliet...

If tomorrow you feel lonely it's ok Te prometo principe volvere Please stop your yelling Se me va el avion When you miss me pon nuestra cancion

Aquella cancion de amor Que nos fascina a los dos The song we always play When we make sweet love Me da pena sorry that I have to go No me digas adios Sometimes in life you don't get what you want Me duele mucho tenerme que alejar Babylove, you know well you're my boo Te prometo que en mi mente estaras tu

Aquella cancion de amor Que nos fascina a los dos The song we always play When we make sweet love Me da pena sorry that I have to go No me digas adios

Tell me that you'll miss me Tell me that you love me And you need me Say it amor before I go Dime que me amas Dime que de lejos que tu me extranas Dime estas palabras Me voy mi amor

Tell me that you'll miss me Tell me that you love me And you need me Say it amor before I go

Let me hear that Playboy...

Come on Come on Come on You know I love you baby...

Mi cielo its not over Don't you cry Con tu mirada y tu tristeza Voy a llorar Yo se que piensas que esto ya llego al final Pero en tu radio you will hear our lullaby

Y aquella cancion de amor Que nos fascina a los dos The song we always play When we make sweet love Me da pena sorry that I have to go No me digas adios

Tell me that you'll miss me Tell me that you love me And you need me Say it amor before I go Dime que me amas Dime que de lejos que tu me extranas Dime estas palabras Me voy mi amor

Tell me that you'll miss me Tell me that you love me And you need me Say it amor before I go

i WANT HiM BACK, i DNT WANT HiM BACK...

EVER SiNCE WE BROKE UP iVE BEEN THiNKiN BOUT WHAT XACTLY WENT WRONG. MAYB iTS MY FAULT, MAYBE iTS U GOiN OVER BOARD, OR MAYB iT JUST WASNT MEANT TO B. WHEN i THiNK iTS ALL MY FAULT, I START REPLAYiN EVERY CONVERSATiON WE'VE HAD THAT i CAN REMEMBER, N iN MY MEMORiES, iT CAN POSSiBLY BE MY FAULT. BUT WHEN i THiNK iT COULD BE UR FAULT, THE MEMORiES iVE REPLAYED SHOW THAT SUMTiMEz iTS ALL U TOO. BUT WHEN i THiNK iT JUST WASNT MEANT TO BE, ALL MY FEELiNz CUM OUT OF THE WOODWORK. WHEN i TRY TALKiN TO SUM ONE BOUT iT, THEY SAY THAT iM STUPiD FOR EVEN STiLL THiNKiN BOUT U. N THAT HURTS CUz i WASNT ASKiN THEM THEiR PERMiSSiON, i WAS ASKiN FOR THE THOUGHTS. i WAS ASKiNG THEM TO TRY N PRETEND TO NOT KNOW WHATS GOiN ON, SO A FRESH NEW SET OF THOUGHTS CAN GiVE ME ADViSE.

AFTER A WHiLE, i GAVE UP ON TALKiNG WiTH PPL BOUT THiS, WHiCH iS KiLLiN ME iNSiDE. i START TO THiNK iM REALiziN SUMTHiN. WE BROKE UP CUz i WAS NO LONGER iNTO THE RELATiONSHiP, THAT i WAS WiLLiN TO SAY MY MiND N NOT CARE BOUT HOW U FELT. i STOPPED LOViN U. OR AT LEAST i STOPPED LOViN THE PERSON UVE BECUM. THE PERSON i LOVE AS BEEN LONG GONE. THE PERSON i FELL iNLOVE WiTH DiED iN 2002. THAT WAS THE YR i STOPPED LOViN NEONE ELSE. THERE WERE OTHER GUYS WHO WERE WiLLiN TO LOVE ME, iF i WAS WiLLiN TO LOVE THEM BACK. N EVEN WHEN i SAiD THOSE THREE WORDS i FELT NOTHiN. BECUz i HAD ALREADY GiVEN MY HEART TO SUMONE ELSE A LONG TiME AGO. N EVEN THOUGH iT KiLLS ME WHEN U SAY U NO LONGER WANTS ME OR U SAY U NO LONGER LOVE ME, i STiLL LOVE U. i DNT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAiN iT.

TO ME, U WERE iT. i KNOW NOTHiN ELSE. iVE TRiED DATiN OTHER PPL, BUT EVEN THOUGH THEY CAN B COOL PPLz, i CANT B WiTH THEM. OR AT LEAST NOT COMPLETELY. THAT PERSON N i COULD B HAViN A CONVERSATiON N i WOULDNT KNOW WHAT WE WERE TALKiN BOUT. iTS BECUz MY MiND WAS ON U THE WHOLE TiME. i WiLL ALWAYS LOVE U, MiSS U, NEED U iN MY LiFE .&. ULL ALWAYS B iN MY HEART. UR MY ONE N TRUE LOVE, FOREVER N EVER AMEN! BUT i DO WANT TO TELL U THiS, i KNOW THAT U MEAN WHAT U SAiD THiS TiME N i WiSH U THE ABSOLUTE BEST iN UR LiFE. i HOPE UR WiSHES CUM TRUE N UR GOALS R REACHED. TE QUiERO CON TODO Mi CORAzON, Mi AMORCiTO!

BUT LET ME LEAVE U WiTH THiS...

iT WAS EASY FOR U TO LET ME GO. TELL ME, DiD U EVER CARE BOUT ME AT ALL? WELL i GUESS i MEANT NOTHiNG TO U, N KNOWiN THiS i CAN TRY TO CONViNCE MYSELF EVERYDAY THAT iM GOiN TO MOVE ON N STOP WANTiNG U iN MY LiFE, BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY i FEEL iNCOMPLETE. i FEEL EMPTY iNSiDE!

Metaphores

I was just recently talking to a friend about metaphores. How they can describe everything perfectly, without exactly saying out loud what your trying to say with out insulting someone or the complete opposite, complimenting someone.

Your walking along and loving life, Until a huge ocean appears out of nowhere. You know you need to get to the other side, but how do you get there? I can either swim or take the life boat. You to so desperately reach your significant on the other side. So you choose the life boat. You hate being apart from him/her.

[[The ocean represents a huge problem in your relationship. To swim shows that your willing to work. To use the life boat shows that you want shortcuts.]]

So basically what you just did was take a short cut. You thought of only one thing, to be near your loved one. But not once did you think, I love him/her and even if an ocean and two countries are separating us, you will both work it out and your love will be even stronger. Your more willing to work hard at it. But instead you chose the short cut. He/she may chose to eventually give up him/herself.

Bored!

I watched Jeremiah yesterday and earned $10. Yippy! J/k Man is he a hand full. Ha HaToday I'm bored and have nothing to do. What to do? What to do? I'll find something to do, eventually. I hope!

The Dentist

Close call. I almost had to babysit Jeremiah. Don't get me wrong I love him to death. I use to watch him all the time when he was an infant. But today I wasn't exactly up for babysitting. I had a Dentist appointment and I wasn't sure how I was going to feel when they were done. Well, nothing was done today. Diana is watching Jeremiah, its good practice for her and her boyfriend. Since they're thinking about kids, moving in together and getting married in the future. Well, I'm home now. I'm going to go to my room and watch I Love Lucy for 30 min.s and then watch some Law and Order. Message me if you want to talk.

Sunday 4.18.2010

Well today, was as boring of a day as any other.  i was inside all day long and i received a message from my ex this afternoon. his words still sting but at least I'm not crying over it like I use to when I was in High School. Now I'm watching Tango & Cash. Hit me up in a message if u want to get to know me.

Writer's Block: Take me as I am

Would you be upset if a long-term partner confessed that s/he'd committed a serious crime before you met? How do you think it would affect your relationship?


I would be upset for these reasons:
1: he didn't tell me sooner
2: he's someone I no longer know
3: what crime did he do anyway?
4: he didn't tell me!!!!!!
If were getting more serious about our relationship, oh like let's say...married, and he never told me about this crime he did. I would be having a nervous break down. Because at the end of the day, I don't know my husband. Is the man I married, the man I thought I knew, I fell in love with? I would be constantly thinking about this. After being married for so little time, I'd probably tell him we need a break or separate or something. Because I couldn't live with a man who I'm suppose to know, trust, love and feel safe with knowing that he kept a crime he committed from me.

Now, I'll be fair, if he gone to jail for unpaid tickets or DUI, whatever. As long as he didn't go to jail for Burglary, Murder, Assault, or any kind Abuse then I think I can live with it. But any of those four and I'm out of there. I'm sorry husband but here are the divorce papers. {LOL}

04.17.2010 Part 2

Okay, so I decided to take his things back to him. There was a previous message that i sent him and he had replied to it and requested that I need not reply to that one. {LOL} But I did. I asked if he wanted his things back, you know his Corona bottles straight from Mexico and of course he responded to that one real fast. He told me to just drop it off at his parents house. He wasn't going to be home but his parents would be. I started being sarcastic with him and told him that I would think about it. Before I found he responded to that one, I took this Avon box full of his stuff and dropped it off at his house. I thought he'd be gone because he said he wasn't going to be home, but I look at the truck parked across the street and there he is. As surprised as I was. I didn't talk to him or take his box to him. I walked to the front door and put the box on the patio chairs. I looked at him as I walked back, to find looking down at a cell phone I guess. I could tell he tried very hard not to look up at me. But that's alright. I was okay with me looking at him, but him looking at me, I wouldn't be able to handle that. So I finally got to the car, got in, raised the music [[didn't even think about putting on my seat belt]] and took off. I could feel him looking at me from the side of his eye. I may not know why he acts the way he acts but I know when someone is looking at me. It's like a guy knowing when a pretty woman is looking at him. Although, sometimes that's just being cocky. But I'm serious, I could always feel when he was looking at me. And at that moment as I was leaving, he was looking at me and knowing this I refused to look back at him. When I get home there's this message from him. He said okay whatever. I got to go. Later! I responded back saying its called sarcasm, you should try it once in a while. But you got your shit. Peace I'm out! And that was the end of it.

Okay, so these are my first entries with this Live Journal. Write ya'll later. Good Night!

04.17.2010

Me and my ex broke up on Friday, March 19, 2010 at 3:41 pm.

I was in Ontario for a Medical Convention because my school didn't provide Medical Education. Me, Diana and Angel where there from 8 am to about 11:30 am. Angel wanted to stop by in Fontana to see an old friend. So we were there for quite a while. I was anxious to get home because I wanted to stop by my man, Ralph's, house before he got off work. To surprise him. But before I could do that, he calls me off a friend, Marco's, phone. He discovers that I'm not home yet and gets upset. I get upset because he got upset over something that was not even worth being angry over. Ralph told me that he's angry because I wasn't home when he got work and I wasn't home. Well, for one, I didn't know that he wanted to hang out that day. He never told me he wanted to stop by or else I would have made sure I was home when he got off. Well for about 11 min.s, back and forth we argued and said some harsh words to each other and buttons were pushed too far and he chose to break up with me. I asked him for an explanation and he refused to answer that question, all he said was that he was done with this. Those words hurt. To be honest, I tried to convince him to rethink this over. Now if that means I was begging, fine, I was begging. I loved him for so many years, I was nowhere near ready to lose him. Ralph didn't change his mind. The last thing I said to him was, "I love you"! And that was the end.

Mind you, we did all this over a text. haha What a coward right? I called Marco, asking to talk to Ralph but he refused to talk to me. So I at least tried to be grown up about it and talk about it. He was the one to refuse to do the same. Well now, almost a month later, I got his things here in my room and I want to take it to him. But I don't know if that's such a good idea. Does he deserve to have his things back or just out of... whatever... I should take them back to him. Because its true, they are his things. I don't want them in my room anymore. But then I got to be honest, this is just a way for me to see him one last time before attempting to move on with my life. I don't know. Well I know what I want to do, but what is the right thing to do?